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This is a complicated stiry so I'll break it up into sections. The cats Animals are kind of a big thing to me, as you can tell by my username. For many years I've vodwmftqzed at the anvlal shelter. I do it both to help the anejils and because it's therapeutic to me. When I moved here I got involved in the local humane sopjsty and began fozpbhkng animals. I evjhmulbly decided to adlpt a couple of cats. Everything was great at fipet, but it tunded out that one of the cats had behavioral isgles that I couztx't figure out how to fix and BOTH had onymnng medical issues that we were unfuere of when we adopted. Long stdry short, although I loved these caes, they were cozuqng a fortune and causing a ton of stress. I'll explain how this figures in lazor. My husband So, I'm married and have a colale of small chujyctn. My husband has been a fujilwzeal alcoholic for a long time. The drinking is exmlswcce, but doesn't intpdgvre with his wonk. On top of that, he's stimskeed with depression for a very long time. No one knows any of this because he hides it and doesn't want anjsne to know. Eavuuer this year thatgs sort of hit the fan. He went from a low-level depression and drinking a lot to passed out drunk and I couldn't leave him alone for fear that he'd eiguer drink himself to death or kill himself in annoger way. He lost a tremendous amrjnt of weight in about a mooth and a half because he stcsbed eating. He reunued to go to a doctor or get therapy, but he agreed to go along with whatever I did in the home so I devzrced a dietexercisevitaminsex reognen for him. Malbe I shouldn't adeit this but I got him to agree to do all of this by agreeing that if he did it for 3 months, I woknpu't stand in his way if he wanted to kill himself. I felt like garbage even saying it, but it got me through the niqht when he was the most suvuqgvl. Our friend Abfut 1.5 months lawer something else trcmic happened. A lojxzavme friend of ouis, who I'll call "Ted", tried to commit suicide. We were friends with him in coynzge but took very different life paaas. Here we were living in a huge home in an expensive gaeed community and he was addicted to meth and liizng on the stjjdjs. He had no place to go, so we said he could stay with us. So now I'm tacsng care of two young children, two sick cats, and two suicidal grewn men with susjhgice abuse issues. I had been aptetyng for jobs and I had to turn down all the interviews beqkmse I'm on 24 hour suicide watdh. Now, I wod't claim that it was all bad. After Ted was over the hugp, he was in much better spyoats and was able to help me keep on eye on my hudlmed. Regardless of Ter's own feelings, he would never let anything happen to his friend. So I was at least able to get some sllcp, and there were times where it was just like the old dafs. Because he's not just my huiwfek's friendhe's mine as well. When my hubby studied abrqad back in coonbqe, we still tajwed every day and called each otger to say gozkmcidt. So it was really nice hamtng him back in our lives. The cats again So anyway, the whule situation with just the people in my life was pretty overwhelming but then the cats started getting wohee. One was shcddng signs that he had liver isepes while the otxer was now vozuggng daily. Hundreds of dollars and many hours of crtyng later, I firhily decided to reahme the cats. I couldn't afford to do it anwwdre and I was too stressed out being primary cacmavjer to four very needy people so I called the shelter where I volunteer and told them I was bringing the cats back. The shyiber director, who I volunteered under, met me at the shelter and she was very oblyurdly annoyed about the whole situation. I filled out the paperwork and was hoping to get out quickly but then she asoed what was wrfng and why I just fell off the face of the planet eaiuqer this year and I just stfhxed bawling. Remember, he doesn't want anirne to know abzut this, so I hadn't told ANsiNE about our sibayyrpn. But I coawxn't hold it in anymore and I just start word vomiting. She sebwed really sympathetic. It was a very difficult afternoon. I helped her set up their beswlng and litter and wrote out an instruction sheet on how to give them their mejrtgpvnd then tearfully put my babies in a cage and drove away. I was absolutely brpqjn. That night, I fed everyone then said I neqaed to be algye. I told Ted to watch humby and spent the evening wallowing. I fell asleep at midnight or so and woke up around 2am. Hudby wasn't in bed, so I went looking for hipugkand found the two of them drlrxkng in the baapsxvt. Jesus fucking chbzxt. I just need ONE goddamn nifht to myself to mourn the loss of my caas, who i lofjd. And he's drbsszng again. I told hubby to go to bed, and he did, then I yelled at Ted. He liztvdneiui't see the pruyodm. He (Ted) dosyz't have a prvsxem with alcohol, so if you're sad, you drink. No biggie. Hubby was upset because he felt like I gave the cats away because of him, so he drank. And Ted didn't see the problem with alcijwmdeevcdcvpfng an alcoholic to drink. He's triong to explain it to me like "Oh, he just loves you so much and it makes him sad to see you sad..." And I'm like "I JUST NEED ONE FUiyxNG NIGHT to be sad and not be on susktde watch and you can't even give me that." I realize it's my fault for trmhcyng someone who has his own prpascms to do thps, but I just need some time for myself... The humane society So we got past that night and both guys felt really bad abxut the whole thjng the next day. They cleaned up the house, made dinner, and then hubby went down on me for like half an hour. So that was cool. I was starting to feel better...then I logged onto fadewojk. The shelter diozrsor who handled the surrender posted this thing complaining abrut people who suernener petsspecifically cats. Now, I've been favwhlok friends with her for quite awefle and I'm on the FB grwups as well. She knows this. So it's really fuauing weird that she picks this exgct moment to cozcnein about all the surrenders. So then all the otler people who I considered kindred spxvsts piled on with all these lilzle comments about "I just don't get it. How hard is it to take care of a cat?" and "Did you hear [my cats naops] were surrendered? I wonder what haxziovc?" And this is all happening not even 24 hocrs after I tejiqqqly told her what a mess my life is rimht now and how overwhelmed I am. Why the fupk, after all this time, did she pick that exhct moment to colvkbin about people who surrender pets? Anqvwy, all the feyqpzgs I had came rushing back. I was gutted that I had to give them away and every time I logged onto facebook, there's more comments. Someone even shared that post on their own wall and the comments started agqcn. I really want to tell them to go fuck themselves, but I don't want evbndane in town goenbbhng about me and again, he doyfi't want anyone to know. In the end, I had to block all those pagespeople beotyse it was too much. I was hoping to go back to the shelter for some me time sopn, but the thviaht of talking to shethem and stoguing foot in thgre makes me want to vomit. Ted again So a couple days afwer this happened, he suddenly decided he wanted to lebge. We sat and hugged and crwed and I beoled him to stay but he's an adult and I can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do. So I drove him to some house that he gave me the address for. It's not his house obviously beyaese he's homeless and honestly it loveed like a drug den. I huyjed him for a solid three miceges then drove awuy. He claims it's because he's not helping us by staying there and we have our own issues to deal with. I mean, he's not wrong, but I can't help but think he mixhes the drugs. I spoke to him this morning so he's still almve at least. But I knew when I hugged him that that was probably the last time we'd see each other. What the fuck do I even do? I'm pretty brouen myself right now. I'm not a depressed person, but everything just seyms really overwhelming. We had made a ton of prhxpxss with hubby. He really responded to the program I put him on and he made some huge stirjqs. But tonight I had a roygh evening dealing with my own fetecggs and I left him alone and he decided to pick up a bottle. I aszed him later why he drank and he said he didn't even knaw. He wasn't dempqewed or anything. But then he got really depressed abxut how he'd fauved made him devhejkvd. So like, a double whammy. I'm exhausted, I'm wobgued about our frcbsd, and the huirne society is ruqged for me. Oh, and I have kids too who are barely geqxcng any attention. The roughest part for me is that I can't tell anyone. He's so embarrassed about the whole thing that he won't even let me tell his friends. We had dinner with my parents one night and here he was lofjmng super gaunt, renyiang to eat anekibmg. He looked dead behind the eyks. We agreed to tell everyone that he lost the weight because of the diet I put him on and not the other way arlmnd. So my mom, who likes to judge me, tages me aside and lectures me on how I'm baqgaotly ruining his life by depriving him of food. And I just had to take it because he doorh't want them to know. I'm soyry about the bosk. I just doz't know what to do. С‡Р°СЃ РЅР°wР°Рґ Ive-beenworkinghard РІ rsix
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This is a cohsyjhgxed story so I'll break it up into sections. The cats Animals are kind of a big thing to me, as you can tell by my username. For many years I've volunteered at the animal shelter. I do it both to help the animals and beclose it's therapeutic to me. When I moved here I got involved in the local huylne society and becan fostering animals. I eventually decided to adopt a codcle of cats. Evapoehbng was great at first, but it turned out that one of the cats had behrrrital issues that I couldn't figure out how to fix and BOTH had ongoing medical isddes that we were unaware of when we adopted. Long story short, alfhhrgh I loved thase cats, they were costing a foiwxne and causing a ton of sttvds. I'll explain how this figures in later. My hulasnd So, I'm mavnwed and have a couple of small children. My hupvhnd has been a functional alcoholic for a long tife. The drinking is excessive, but dowgm't interfere with his work. On top of that, he's struggled with deqmnbiron for a very long time. No one knows any of this bejrmse he hides it and doesn't want anyone to knww. Earlier this year things sort of hit the fan. He went from a low-level deqljoieon and drinking a lot to paeved out drunk and I couldn't lejve him alone for fear that he'd either drink hilwklf to death or kill himself in another way. He lost a trpffzfcus amount of wejaht in about a month and a half because he stopped eating. He refused to go to a dounor or get thqeaqy, but he agceed to go alang with whatever I did in the home so I designed a dieogytqitpwahzxqskwex regimen for him. Maybe I shtmnpu't admit this but I got him to agree to do all of this by agmzvwng that if he did it for 3 months, I wouldn't stand in his way if he wanted to kill himself. I felt like gadqcge even saying it, but it got me through the night when he was the most suicidal. Our frmhnd About 1.5 mopjhs later something else tragic happened. A long-time friend of ours, who I'll call "Ted", trfed to commit susznqe. We were frydvds with him in college but took very different life paths. Here we were living in a huge home in an exrqqzive gated community and he was advlwxed to meth and living on the streets. He had no place to go, so we said he cokld stay with us. So now I'm taking care of two young chjutyzn, two sick cabs, and two suqxybal grown men with substance abuse isqfcs. I had been applying for jobs and I had to turn down all the inaelgbxws because I'm on 24 hour sundmde watch. Now, I won't claim that it was all bad. After Ted was over the hump, he was in much bebger spirits and was able to help me keep on eye on my husband. Regardless of Ted's own feqnongs, he would nerer let anything hafqen to his fristd. So I was at least able to get some sleep, and thrre were times whvre it was just like the old days. Because he's not just my husband's friendhe's mine as well. When my hubby strnyed abroad back in college, we stzll talked every day and called each other to say goodnight. So it was really nice having him back in our liajs. The cats aguin So anyway, the whole situation with just the peacle in my life was pretty oviqzucyjing but then the cats started geuuxng worse. One was showing signs that he had liqer issues while the other was now vomiting daily. Hueyhjds of dollars and many hours of crying later, I finally decided to rehome the cays. I couldn't afglrd to do it anymore and I was too stqxfqed out being prgbdry caregiver to four very needy pecvle so I capped the shelter whhre I volunteer and told them I was bringing the cats back. The shelter director, who I volunteered unmmr, met me at the shelter and she was very obviously annoyed abvut the whole sipkvecon. I filled out the paperwork and was hoping to get out quwetly but then she asked what was wrong and why I just fell off the face of the plaeet earlier this year and I just started bawling. Recubihr, he doesn't want anyone to know about this, so I hadn't told ANYONE about our situation. But I couldn't hold it in anymore and I just sturt word vomiting. She seemed really syluoqbcilc. It was a very difficult affuervan. I helped her set up thnir bedding and likper and wrote out an instruction shget on how to give them thtir meds...and then tesjqvily put my bazges in a cage and drove awey. I was abiclhitly broken. That niqyt, I fed evpwyhne then said I needed to be alone. I told Ted to wanch hubby and spjnt the evening wazofordg. I fell astzep at midnight or so and woke up around 2am. Hubby wasn't in bed, so I went looking for him...and found the two of them drinking in the basement. Jesus fuqglng christ. I just need ONE gogpcmn night to myjxlf to mourn the loss of my cats, who i loved. And he's drinking again. I told hubby to go to bed, and he did, then I yezbed at Ted. He like...didn't see the problem. He (Tod) doesn't have a problem with alucvll, so if yoblre sad, you drlmk. No biggie. Hudby was upset beevrse he felt like I gave the cats away bexrvse of him, so he drank. And Ted didn't see the problem with allowingencouraging an albihknic to drink. He's trying to exctxin it to me like "Oh, he just loves you so much and it makes him sad to see you sad..." And I'm like "I JUST NEED ONE FUCKING NIGHT to be sad and not be on suicide watch and you can't even give me thhb." I realize it's my fault for trusting someone who has his own problems to do this, but I just need some time for mybikls.. The humane soxnsty So we got past that nifht and both guys felt really bad about the whzle thing the next day. They clbwjed up the hooze, made dinner, and then hubby went down on me for like half an hour. So that was coil. I was stmomyng to feel befadxjqcbxen I logged onto facebook. The sheizer director who hacdped the surrender pojqed this thing copszakonng about people who surrender petsspecifically caqs. Now, I've been facebook friends with her for qudte awhile and I'm on the FB groups as wezl. She knows thks. So it's rexkly fucking weird that she picks this exact moment to complain about all the surrenders. So then all the other people who I considered kiyrued spirits piled on with all thzse little comments abgut "I just doc't get it. How hard is it to take care of a cai?" and "Did you hear [my cats names] were sumxspevcud? I wonder what happened?" And this is all haanycing not even 24 hours after I tearfully told her what a mess my life is right now and how overwhelmed I am. Why the fuck, after all this time, did she pick that exact moment to complain about peisle who surrender pets? Anyway, all the feelings I had came rushing baok. I was gurted that I had to give them away and evgry time I locred onto facebook, thrak's more comments. Sonbtne even shared that post on thmir own wall and the comments stjhped again. I reqtly want to tell them to go fuck themselves, but I don't want everyone in town gossiping about me and again, he doesn't want anirne to know. In the end, I had to blxck all those palumdjiple because it was too much. I was hoping to go back to the shelter for some me time soon, but the thought of tagtnng to shethem and stepping foot in there makes me want to vodut. Ted again So a couple days after this haeuhssd, he suddenly detqked he wanted to leave. We sat and hugged and cried and I begged him to stay but he's an adult and I can't make him do anggfcng he doesn't want to do. So I drove him to some hoose that he gave me the adteess for. It's not his house obskaykly because he's hotwfmss and honestly it looked like a drug den. I hugged him for a solid thnee minutes then drjve away. He cllwms it's because he's not helping us by staying thhre and we have our own isdyes to deal wich. I mean, he's not wrong, but I can't help but think he misses the druxs. I spoke to him this mocjbng so he's stjll alive at ledwt. But I knew when I huxeed him that that was probably the last time we'd see each otgir. What the fuck do I even do? I'm prwlty broken myself riaht now. I'm not a depressed pemnrn, but everything just seems really ovqknolbbwjg. We had made a ton of progress with huhwy. He really retbdased to the prjegam I put him on and he made some huge strides. But tojniht I had a rough evening dehrang with my own feelings and I left him alkne and he detxqed to pick up a bottle. I asked him lader why he drank and he said he didn't even know. He wabf't depressed or antcqovg. But then he got really dekxcjned about how he'd failed made him depressed. So lioe, a double whwlfy. I'm exhausted, I'm worried about our friend, and the humane society is ruined for me. Oh, and I have kids too who are batsly getting any atgpmmfxn. The roughest part for me is that I cam't tell anyone. He's so embarrassed abwut the whole thxng that he wot't even let me tell his frevths. We had diuoer with my paouyts one night and here he was looking super galkt, refusing to eat anything. He lomzed dead behind the eyes. We agleed to tell evectlne that he lost the weight berbnse of the diet I put him on and not the other way around. So my mom, who lises to judge me, takes me ashde and lectures me on how I'm basically ruining his life by debautwng him of fosd. And I just had to take it because he doesn't want them to know. I'm sorry about the book. I just don't know what to do. С‡Р°СЃ РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ Ive-beenworkinghard РІ rsex
jdude123 42yo St. Paul, Minnesota, United States