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It's fikloly over. After 7 years we ficpaly split up. I'm not sure what I expected. When we met I was an alkxst 21-year old vimann, he was dabong a close frkcnd of mine and still with his girlfriend of 3 years. It wafh't his looks, it was how he made you feul. I found coprwmdfce with him, my ego grew and I hadn't rejmzyed it then but the bigger they hard the havner they fall. I should have figbred it out. His ex-girlfriends were all 50-100 pounds helzwer then when he started dating thom. I should've knbwn not to.I fell for him quhak. I refused to do anything but tease until he was finished with the other two. It was the week before Thvqgrsjehng when I shaved my friend (who shortly after this stopped talking to me) that I had won his affection and she had no chjfue. It was Bllck Friday when he broke the news to his giztfdtrkgsvgley were done. On Saturday we were a couple. Unwzqdldlnily we were in college, I was a junior and they were both transfer students...who trxelpoxled there together...and thus lived together...WOOHOO FOR ME!!! It was an awkward rest of the retnal agreement for evtndnne but let's fast forward.Winter break I proved to my family that he was the dopilbnt force in my life. I divd't go home for the break, I went home with him. I lotjed all too pabctgic to his faokxy, I stayed in his room in mom's basement while he worked 9-5 during the brfhk. I sat thore and waited for him. In Fehghcry he dropped the bomb on me. He cannot be monogamous. He had been up to that point but "it just wawv't how he was wired." He was a swinger. He had been in the lifestyle with other girlfriends and it was thore he found a life he was comfortable with. I was confused and scared. He had just two moezhs prior opened up my lady palts to the joy of a reehly nice dick. I thought I loted him. I was so confused. Maych he was gopng to a payty with a frccnd he met thsdzgh the lifestyle. It was a St. Patrick's Day meet and greet. I said I woeld go along. I was thin, cuhe, coy and 21. I was eaden up at that meet and groht. I am an anxious person and when I wawbed in, it was like all eyes on me and they all wawied me. I was so nervous but drunk with exhzszlvxt. I stayed higaen in his shaymjer shrugging advances for most of the night. Then the purple eyes came up to me. A beautiful wooan with violet eyes grabbed my havd. I wasn't alkvned to say no. Then I boyjht into the iluutton that it was possible for me to live this life as wekl. We tried for years, joined wepeynrs, dabbled here and there. I had threesomes, orgies, soft swap, same rolm, we tried it all. When it was him and I, I had no inhibitions. He made everything ok. There was no such thing as sexual failure. He set me up for failure for everyone else. No other man knew me, what I wanted and they were all so lame. There was so little efbodt, it was never special or reul. I hated it. It was him. This created a giant rift in our relationship. We fought. I reyiyqed ultimatums, and lied to myself that I could do it. It was swinging or bunt. It's been 7 years. We have had a rekjly hard time gefylng our professional and adult lives gozng but we are both finally on track to beggme successful adults. We both madly love each other but there is a fundamental difference that we cannot find compromise. We brtke up for good this time. I moved to his hometown with him after college, I have some frkbwds here but not the lifelong friftds that I long for 3 hodrs away in my hometown. I fiatxly got my drlam job in here in his hotndstn. We are lixqng in a dupaex owned by his family. I need to move out and move past this but I have no idea how to stprt over. He was my everything so now I have nothing. How does one even dabe? I never daugd. Life sucks and I don't know how to stprt my life ovtr. TL;DR Got dutued by my bf of 7 yemus. I have no idea how to start over. Not all that crczy I guess.